As I am sitting here, contemplating on what positive, inspiring message I shall write next, I draw a blank…
Not because I don’t have anything on my mind to write, believe me, I have plenty of thoughts!
They’re just not very positive and uplifting!
Having received yet another phone call from abroad that yet another loved one has moved on to the next realm: 14 years old, another cancer victim, my emotions go from blazing anger,to profound sadness, to a feeling of surrender.
I question myself. What I’m I angry about, or who I’m I angry at?
Maybe I’m angry as I feel that 14 year olds, shouldn’t be buried by their parents, they should be getting up to mischief, enjoying life, finding their own identity. Maybe it’s a sense of injustice which makes me feel anger.
Hang on, injustice to who?! Surely not to the child, if I truly believe that death is a transition to a different realm, a different reality, which I do believe, then death is a positive progression.
Okay so I can’t be that I’m feeling these negative emotions because it’s such a young life.
Maybe I feel that all the “good” ones are taking from us prematurely and that’s not fair.
My mind wanders of to Chris, 24 years old, when he heard the devastating news that no one wants to hear! Such a smart, compassionate, generous, funny, ambitious man. He was a good one….
Again,if I adhere to the “death is a progression” believe, wouldn’t the fact that all the good ones are taken, be a confirmation of that believe, after all, to be able to progress to a higher realm, you have to somehow supersede this reality, learned the lessons you came to learn.
So why is it than that I consider it to be unfair. Unfair to who?
Ahhhh….so maybe, that’s where the negative emotions come from, jealousy. …
I’m jealous because, they’ve managed to learn and supersede way before me and get to enjoy the fruits of their labour.
Wow…I’m scaring myself. ….are these truly macabre thoughts mine….?
I’m I really that selfish and morbid.
Hmmmm…I guess I am selfish in certain aspects, I am very much a, “I want it all and I want it now” person. To my own deterioration sometimes.
In any case, regardless how I feel, my believes, the fact is that they’re no longer here in my reality, in the same realm as I am.
Or are they. …..?
Let me explore this thought…. To be continued. ..