Recently a friend of mine posted this picture on Facebook. When I saw this post, I smiled because the friend who posted it, is a good looking man ,with a beautifully spirit, smart, holds a position of influence and i am convinced that female attention will never be lacking for him,without a doubt.
I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe at some point, his partner may have voiced her discontent to him, about the way he interacts with his female friends.
Of course the post sparked a fierce debate in which I fully participated. 🙂 One thing was interesting to see ,that contrary to what I expected, most women who responded, said that he shouldn’t have to give up his female friends, that neither parties should have to.
I started to reflect on this and wondered if this question had been asked, let’s say, a 100 years ago, a time where women were mainly dependent on their husbands financially and a divorce would have severe financial and social implications, the response would have been the same. I doubt it very much. We would have been far much protective of our relationship, I reckon.
Lots of people responded that if it’s true love, it shouldn’t matter.
My die hard romantic “love conquers all” heart ,wholeheartedly agreed but unfortunately, my sensible, analytical, intelligent mind had to throw a spanner in the works. 🙂 The truth is, it can be “true love” , whatever that means but there are certain things we don’t have control over.
Wait! Don’t start the lynch party yet! Let me explain.
We are daily being bombarded with all types of stimuli, information, experiences and because of this, associations are being created in our brain. Memories imprinted.
A clear example of this is music.
Up till 2008, whenever I heard Celine Dion’s : “Because you loved me”, I use to get upset, memories ,feelings of hurt and betrayal, because when the song first came out, my at that time love interest, use to play it continually for me, giving me a false sense of feeling loved. I didn’t choose to have that association, I have no control over that.
Yes, yes, I know you’re asking why till 2008, what happened 2008. Nosey, nosey 🙂
Well, 2008 I met a new man, who replaced the negative association with a very positive one by showing he genuinely loved and cared for me. Unfortunately, as he passed on to a different dimension, a different realm, now the song is a mixture of joy and sadness. R.i.p.p Chris.
Anyway, I’m digressing, back to the issue of control. Our brain has been trained to react to certain stimuli which creates physiological responses whether we like it or not.
As human beings, we have one advantage over (other )animals, we can reason.
If you have all of your faculties in tact, you know that placing yourself in certain situations, is asking for trouble!
No matter what, as human beings, we are all part of the survival of the fittest scheme and trust me if you choose your mate based on all his/her positive attributes , you can bet that there are a whole heap of other women/men who would love to have him/her for the very same reason.
Let’s face it, we all have friends, who are hoping, wishing you had chosen them, instead of the person you’re with. It doesn’t mean they’re not really your friend, they can’t help wanting you. Believe me, I’ve seen it, in my own circle of friends, now that I have a new special King in my life, some are them are behaving really stupid, I just smile as I know they probably don’t even know why they’re behaving they way they do.
Psychological research seems to provide evidence that by using science, we can make anyone fall in love with us. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together)
Which means that we might think, we choose our mates based on what passes for love but more likely or not, it’s our brain, who did the chosing so you and your genes can survive.
The bottom line is ,you can have friends of the opposite gender when you’re in a relationship but the couple have to sit down and talk and create boundaries and discuss what the consequences of breaking the boundaries are.
Don’t let your heart make you to behave ignorant and foolish. You’re special and unique but so are all the other women/men out there.
Always remember that!