Roller coaster Life

At 20:45 my Facebook Messenger phone rings,.
It’s my college days, room mate, a.k.a my Big Bro (B.B).
I gave him that title after he stood up for me in a club, where a guy was harassing me and B.B could see that I was not liking it! When we came home that night, he told me off for not asking him for help to start with and I told him I didn’t want to disturb his “game”. Hey don’t judge, I was 18! 🙂
Living with B.B was bittersweet, when I was ill, he was the best room mate ever, cooking the most delicious meals for me, however B.B. also had a temper and when things didn’t go his way, run for cover! And that was exactly what I did, I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, after one day, he punched a hole through my bedroom door, in a fit of severe jealousy.

But back to the phone call.

It was very sad news that he was bringing me.
He’s been hospitalised for a while and diagonised with cancer and he’s pretty much at the end of his life. His words :”it’s game over for me sis.”  sounded like there has been a bouldering thunder, scattering a million windows, simultaneously! I knew he purposely choose to use those words, bringing us back to the very beginning of our friendship.
Even though we hadn’t spoken with eachother in ages, the tap of tears was turned open to full capacity! Despite my B.B being in severe pain, he was still joking, talking about our experience together whilst being room mates.
As per usual when I am confronted with news like this, I start reflecting on my own life.
Even though I am making substantial progress, I still to a certain degree, hold back, not asserting myself enough and also not surrendering myself completely. As a matter of fact, I am still allowing my mind to take me to negative thoughts and emotions, where there is no reason for that.
No more of that! Today is the day of change.
One more last thing before I jump and do a free fall : B.B my time spent with you felt like being on a roller coaster, absolute fabulous awesome times interchanging with absolutely frightening times, when I literally feared for my life but through it all ,one thing remained, love. Despite all, I will always love you, not Eros love but Fidelio love. After all, you are my Big Brother! I love you B.B. Hope to see you before you tranfer to next realm of reality, if I don’t, we will meet again, in another time and another place .


Who Wrote The Book Of Love

“Tell me, tell me who wrote the book of love”….💖

Waking up,  getting myself ready to go to work, that one sentence, keeps running through my head.
I know it is because one of my cousin who has come to spent the weekend at mine and all I am hearing is, how in one week she has fallen hopelessly in love and how the object of her affection is clearly feeling the same way, having already indicated, he wants her to become his “wifey”.
Observing her and seeing her face lit up whenever he’s sending her yet another love song ,another message, I smile.
How awesome is that honeymoon period.:)

Having recently met someone knew myself, I recognise that feeling of euphoria. Our interactions with eachother are very different and going at a substantially slower pace but that doesn’t make it less genuine.
As my love interest rings me and my cousin being high on life, disturbing my conversation,like a 16 year old, I relayed the information to him, to explain her behaviour.
I smiled at his response:” Isn’t that a bit too quick. ”
I shrug my shoulders(which he can’t see) and respond to him, that sometimes you just know and when you get to a certain age, you recognise that time waits for no one.  From his reaction, I noticed that he doesn’t agree with my train of thought.

So I started to reflect and think about  dating and interpersonal relationships with regards to age, gender, culture.
And realised that truly “love” is a social construct, that the definition of love, contrary to popular belief, is a very subjective one.

One just have to look at the word” dating” to realise that it means different things to different people. For some people dating means they are in an exclusive relationship with someone, whilst other consider dating to be, going out with different candidates from which, eventually a partner will be chosen.
Culturally, it appears that those of the African continent seem to consider that dating equals getting married to that person.
Dating feels like taking part in a Formula One race….fast paced: I met you today, tomorrow you meet my parents, next tomorrow, we get engaged, the day after, we’re getting married and by next week , you’re pregnant!

Writing this, I recall my time aboard Logos 2, where we we’re pre – warned not to flirt with the guys from Africa as what I have written in the previous paragraph was likely to happen. Little did I know that 10 years later, I would get that experience first hand, 14 years later, 3 kids,divorced and back on the dating scene. Talking about racing, pffff;)

Being very interested in the whole concept of dating, love, interpersonal relationships, I have read extensively on the subject.
At one point, I was reading two books with regards to this topic at the same time and realised that conflicted advice was given.
One claimed ,for example,  that if you are a parent, the sooner you introduced your children, the better. The other, delay the introduction as long as possible. There were more instances of conflicted advice.
And that is very common occurrence when you read about love.
Every love guru seems to have their own thought and advice.

The conclusion I have come to is that we are all co-authors of The Book Of Love. Our own, individual stories are separate chapters and we all should follow our own love path. What works for one, doesn’t necessarily work for the other.

Live, laugh, love. Be you, be happy!